I'm tired.

So, what have I done today?

I walked two miles - I tell you, that was fun! - and then took Elyssa over to Darby's for a while, came home, and cleaned out the van.

Granted, I've wanted to do that for a few weeks, but just the trash. However, as we're trading it in for a larger, newer model, um... I just cleared everything out.

It's actually quite warm out there! Yesterday was a record 75 degrees, and I'm not sure today isn't going to get there, too.

So, after I got Elyssa, and gave her lunch, I went over to the apartment of a sister in the ward and cleaned up a little. I shouldn't have worn dark clothes; she has a white dog. And my clothes smell of smoke, now. Urg.

And I am just... weary.

So there's a new family in the ward, and they just had a baby. We are supplying them with dinners for last week and this week, and it occurred to me to check (as I am in charge of signing people up, that's what the Compassionate SErvice Leader does) to see if anyone had signed up for tonight - which I was pretty sure they hadn't.

I had remembered correctly.

So I put some of our dinner in a bag, added green beans, a couple of oranges (baby oranges), and a couple of rolls, and ran it over.

They have a nice house, they're nice people.... I do like them. I'd like to have them over at some point, and have dinner with them.

I offered to trade recipes, so I hope she emails me. if not - I'll write some of my favorites down and take them over or something.

Remember how I said I really wanted a birth instead of death?

I didn't mean NOW!

Seriously. The woman in the ward that was pregnant? She had her baby last night. She's not due until the 22nd!

The headache from yesterday hasn't even faded, and now I have another one. I'm going to go insane. I just know it.

With luck?

It's all over. Please, give us something happy to worry about now!

Kathryn's memorial was today. It was lovely, my shoulders are absolute rock and I have a headache that the Tylenol didn't help enough on. I might be able to take more, now, I think it's been long enough.

So, I helped set up - was probably way too officious for everyone - and then sat down and made it through the funeral. Helped with the lunch afterward, thankfully we had enough food, and helped clean up.

I was one of the last few to leave, and as I drove out of the parking lot, I just about burst into tears. Again.

I don't think I can take another something like that.

Ahead on the horizon - one of the women in the ward is having a baby. I hope that works out much better. We need a little life; we've all had enough deaths for a while.

Taran woke me up at 4:00 or so, and then again at 5:00, and yet again at 6:00. When he wouldn’t calm down, I bundled him up and took him in to Scott, who slept on the couch by the girls, just in case – and partially because the bed hurts his back – and told him to take Taran before I hurt him. I was so frustrated and angry and… tired, I just couldn’t deal with him.

I am so lucky in my choice of husbands.

I got up just before 8:00, fed Taran, and then showered. After breakfast, around 9:35, I checked my Emil.

Kathryn died this morning, at 9:05, surrounded by her parents, an aunt, and the hospice nurse. While not unexpected, it took me a while to realize that was today – not yesterday – and Tony had written the Emil ten minutes after it happened.

I went in to tell Scott, and then called Mom to tell her. She asked me about our travel plans – which are still in flux – and then said that I-70 had been closed this morning. She said she’d watch the news at 11:00 and give us a call with the state of the roads. So, we may be going still today.

I’m sad for them, really, but I’m happy for her, and it’s such a dichotomy. So I’m just… staying away, because this urge to cry comes from nowhere all of a sudden, and I tear up, and just… it’s sad.

At least the wait is over, the closure is come, and we can all stop hovering in a holding pattern and move on with our lives.

Mom called around Noon to say that the roads were still closed in the mountaints (I-70), and that they were going over to clean the Wright’s house. She called back about 4:30 to say that they’d finished – it took them that long, and it sounded like there were quite a few people there, too. And they only did the bottom floor and the upstairs bathroom!

Today was another do-nothing day – seriously. I did nothing at all. I wanted to get some stuff done and it didn’t get done at all. It was just… ugh. I hated it. I get stuck in front of the TV, and nothing gets done. My brain feels completely dead.

I really need to make a list of stuff I need to work on. Haven’t I said that already? Yes. Do I have a list? Probably. I just need to follow it.

We had choir practice today for Megan's funeral; the song is a good one (Master, the Tempest is Raging), and the arrangement is fun. Different, but not to difficult for those who know it. I sing alto - the soprano's rarely get a new version!

It was a small choir, purely volunteer, and I almost didn't go. I'm glad we did, though, because we're the only people from our ward, and that will be good.

The other benefit? I saw Sister Rausch! And Becca! One of my Activity Day girls, who moved away. Oh, it was good to see her. And how I miss them. I was glad to see them.

I wish it had been under better circumstances, though.

I really hate making phone calls.

I spent much of this morning on the phone, organizing things for the family who lost their daughter-in-law earlier this week.

I feel really... I don't know. This calling is going to be hard on me, because I have to call people and ask them to help. A lot. I'm trying not to have what we call "old stand-bys" - the people who always volunteer. But it's hard to know who to call.

Well - with luck, Kathryn's father is feeling better today.

What a morning.

First, I get a call from Kathryn's father: can I find someone to watch his boys and Kathryn for a couple of hours today?

I'll... try.

So, I'm calling around, and I get another phone call, this time from a friend in the ward.

A son - someone I know - of another member of the ward was in an accident last night. His wife - someone I also know, as they attended church with us and she was in the choir - died shortly before I got the call (probably around... 10:30?), and would I let people know who need to know.

Uh....

Well, crap.

I managed to get both things done, too. Strangely enough. I'm still flabberghasted on that one.

So, I'm learning what it's like to be a Compassionate Service leader.

We had a member of our ward die last weekend, and the funeral is on Friday. Calling to get people to help is... not one of the things I do best, and hopefully, they don't think I'm asking for too much!

And I'm getting organized. This is not as easy as it sounds.